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Advice Q&A PageIf you would like to submit a Question to us send us an email. We observe anamosity in questions and will never publish your name I keep suffering premature ejaculation; what can I do? I am in my mid fifties and have gradually become Impotent
I keep suffering premature ejaculation; what can I do? The problem of coming too quickly is one of the commonest of all sexual problems. It is most common in younger males; age tends to slow all things down. At least 10% of men suffer or have suffered periods where this problem affected them. Are you really suffering premature ejaculation or is your partner lasting longer than you and sharing their disappointment with you? To qualify for the PE label ejaculation will be occurring during heavy foreplay, or as you enter her, or within 2 minutes of doing so. Apparently the normal average endurance time once penetration and thrusts have commenced is between 7 and 8 minutes. Everyone is different so there will be couples most disappointed with this time span. Frankly some miss the point in that it's the quality of the orgasm for BOTH partners that counts. But there were males who claimed to have premature ejaculation, yet who lasted up to 25 minutes. What causes PE? Experts are divided however the common thread is mental anxiety within the man in regards his performance. This anxiety can be caused by a multitude of issues particularly in young men. Fear of failure, fear of disappointing their partner, fear of discovery in a compromising situation in illicit love situations, all such situations can cause anxiety capable of causing a physical response. Remedies. Address and remove or reduce the anxiety effect. If mildly anxious, 2 units of alcohol for yourself can be helpful, any more and the effect will be detrimental to performance. Invest far more time in foreplay on your partner, many men get down to the "real action" as soon as clothes are off. Spend 30 minutes on her giving her a full body massage using one of the many variants of System Jo massage oils. Start on the back, down the legs and feet turnover work up from front including arms and hands. Done properly your mental concentration on her will have banished your negative thoughts on PE. Finish the massage with some oral pleasure for her (not for you). If this was not quite enough then try one of the Retard sprays that are available. Use the above method and just five minutes before penetration spray yourself with this product. The spray has a desensitising effect on the head Useful Products Retard Spray in the Enhancers department, Desensitises the penis, simply spray on 5 minutes before the action. Masters & Johnson Remedy Still got a problem then its try the Masters-Johnson method. This requires your partner's involvement, as it is basically your partner applying a grip on your penis at the right moment to kill the desire to climax. Getting the grip is vital so practice and an understanding partner is vital. The woman places her hand so that her thumb is on one side of the man's erect penis (the nearer side to her when she is facing him). The index and middle fingers on the other side with the index finger just above the ridge of the glans and the middle finger just below. This needs practising between you before the real action starts. When the loving starts for real thrust as long as you feel safe then ask to use the grip on you. This is applied firmly (it does not cause pain) taking the climax desire away. Relax a moment or two then recommence. The climax is certainly delayed and used repeatedly men find gradually their endurance time is extended to near normal levels. However it requires a very patient and caring lover, as remember each time the grip is applied her enjoyment is stopped and delayed and many women find this as frustrating as PE itself. Finally male masturbation can be used to aid the situation. In its simplest form if Friday night is the night for a date a session on your own Thursday could slow you down. However the most useful approach is to masturbate almost to climax then stop, take five minutes out start again and then stop again not allowing completion until the 4th time at the earliest. Gradually your body and mind learns to slow down. Make the session feel as real as possible by using a water based silicon oil on your hands, the result is as close as being in your partner as is possible without the real thing. Are there drugs that can help? There are various anti-depressants that appear to help but this is a route best avoided. Certainly visit your GP for advice if all these self-help methods fail or alternatively visit Relate who have counselling services. To TopI am in my mid-fifties and have gradually become Impotent Doctors refer to this situation as "erectile dysfunction" For some the effect is they cannot reach a hard-on state at all, in others they can reach a partial hard-on, which is insufficient to achieve penetration, and others that can penetrate but then lose the hard-on. It's no consolation but virtually every male will suffer this at some stage and the Guy aged 50 + at the bar who claims openly its never happened to him is probably in self-denial. For under 25's Usually it's a case of anxiety about some aspect of the lovemaking process. Do they impress their partner in the sack, will they have to wear a condom, or will they last long enough. In Middle age. Causes again often include anxiety however physical causes play an increasing role. Work related stress, overwork, money worries, guilt between partners, or bereavement. Some cases may be caused by undiagnosed diabetes. Self Diagnosis Steps. Is your erection satisfactory when you masturbate on your own? Do you wake up with an erection from time to time? If you replied, "yes" to these situations then the most probable cause is psychological. In this case you need to address the underlying anxiety situation or situations If you responded "no" to above then there are more likely to be underlying physical reasons, however it's often the case that psychological issues compound the physical issues as well. Physical causes Smoking, long-term smoking results in narrowing of arteries throughout the body including the penis. The only answer is to give up to improve the situation. It takes time to reverse the full effects and will require a whole body approach. Poor mental health, i.e. depression often has an adverse effect on male performance. If you feel in this condition then a GP visit is a starting point to moving forward. Overwork, today's working environment is far faster then in days gone by plus the increasing stress of commuting to your workplace leaves many a man nodding on the settee by 8.30 pm from sheer tiredness. Tired lovers make poor lovers. Overwork and Stress usually lead to high blood pressure as well as tiredness. So visit your GP for a quick MOT including blood pressure. Diabetes also often affects men in this area so again a GP MOT is a good move to eliminate or identify if this is an issue. Use of drugs, social or medicinal; often have effects in this area so if the problem arises whilst using any drug check with your GP if this particular drug has this side effect. How to solve Potency problems. Frankly there will be a number of steps to take and the road is not always easy. First have an in-depth discussion with yourself and identify is it physical or psychological, or both? Are you the typical middle-age male working long hours, smoking, around 3 stone overweight and a little bored with love life at home? Impotency is almost a certainty for you. First do not ignore the situation and avoid love with your partner to hide the situation. Second whatever the Doc says you need to address your physical situation, seek help to give up smoking. Get a routine that includes physical exercise on a daily basis. That does not require subscription to a health club it may require buying a bike, walking round the park with your partner, buying a dog that insists on a daily walk Address the weight issue not with a sudden crash diet but increased exercise coupled with gradual portion size reduction, avoiding mid meal snacks and healthier foods. Take a six-month approach to improving your fitness with these measures, ask your Doctor what your weight should be and aim a monthly weight reduction that reaches the target within six months Quick Fixes There are no 100% guaranteed fixes as each individual cause and effect is so different. The most effect is Viagra, after your GP MOT he may recommend it for you provided blood pressure wise etc. you are fit enough to take it. However it will be a private prescription and collecting 12 tablets @100mg strength will cost around £80. If this is your first time using it then cut the tablet in half, as 100mg could be more than you need. There are other erection drugs available via your GP if Viagra does not suit then another may. We strongly advise against Internet purchasing as a) it may be a generic substitute of dubious quality b) GP supervision is vital, as various medical conditions can make taking these drugs dangerous. Cock Rings Found in our site section Cock Ring Department These are help to those that can with effort gain an erection but have a tendency to lose it. During foreplay reach your best size then slip one of the rings on, they come in various sizes but the fitting should be tight to trap the blood within the required area. They aid maintaining the erection and endurance some have clitoral stimulator shapes as well to help your partner get to the same place as you a little quicker. There are even some with a mini vibrator to aid you both. Male Developer Pumps These should be viewed as a muscle training aid and like any muscle training needs a commitment to use on regular basis. The tube fits over your penis and then a vacuum is created forcing blood into it. Hold the erection for up 10-15 minutes, exercised daily this will over a period of time be useful. It can also be used prior lovemaking to gain an erection and then fit a cockring to hold the size. Visit Male- Penis Pumps to see the full range. Male Creams See the section Male- Creams/Sprays here you have a variety of external creams that encourage an erection by inducing different feeling in the genitals. In summary; Do not suffer alone seek help, given time and treatment most cases are resolved. Not one simple action will solve the problem. For a successful love life your general health needs to be as good as possible relative to age. Fix smoking issues, weight and poor eating habits. Take up exercise that increases circulation and improves breathing etc. Address anxieties, involve your partner, troubles shared should be halved. If they are not then this is a likely cause of the anxiety. Useful Organisations for further Guidance and Counselling; |
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